As I was playing with my daughters this morning, something hit me. Through the giggles and laughter, the dancing and the tickling, I stopped for a moment and saw the smiles on their faces and it hit me that we were going to be ok. That it was up to me and me alone, but that this was something I couldn't fail at. I can't fail at raising my children. I want to teach them so many things. To find that balance between innocence and street smarts that I haven't quite been able to grasp yet. That you can be the sweet, domesticated girl, love to shop and dress up, but love sports and throw back comebacks with the best of them. That it's ok to belt out songs in the car or to cry when you're angry, or hurt, or upset, or happy, or sad. I want them to be empowered by their emotions, not see them as weaknesses. To know that it's ok to be silly and ditzy as long as that's not all they are. To find something they love to do and hold onto it for dear life. I want them to love with all their hearts, but to not let their love make stupid decisions. To know that no love will ever be stronger than the love they have for each other and that true friends are friends for life. I want to teach them all the things that it's taken me 23+ years to learn and then tell them to throw it all out the window because you never stop learning, changing and growing. I just see how small they are and how much life they have ahead of them and I wish for so much for them. My precious little girls. They are going to do wonderful things and be wonderful people. I just know.

So I was browsing through some other single mom/dad blogs today, and have come across some opinions that I'm not quite sure how I feel about.

I understand that there are going to be a lot of different views across the world wide web, and that it would be one boring place if we all felt the same way, but this is in regard to the timeliness of dating again.

I guess maybe I always considered my marriage different from most, being that we spent more than half of it apart. I promise all of you that I didn't take my vows lightly, and tried everything under the sun to "fix" us and make the marriage work. But every time we went through online affair after online affair, I guess part of me was just counting on the day that I would give him the choice, and have the courage to really mean it. It was like each time it was uncovered, I cried a little less, and got a little bit stronger and felt the love go away a little bit more. I felt so trapped for so long. After I got out of the Navy, I was a SAHM with two SMALL children. I had no income and no where to go. He could do as he pleased, and I had to just sit back and take it, and he knew it. It wasn't until I finally came clean to my family and friends about what was truly going on in my life did I find my way out. I had put on the happy face for a very long time in hopes that things would someday change. But they didn't, and they won't. One person can't hold a marriage together if the other has no desire to be there.

So, while I understand the argument of not being emotionally available..and maybe I'm not. But I'm also 23. And if I want to date around a bit, just because I never got a chance to when I was younger, and I'm open and honest with people about my situation, I don't see why I shouldn't. He is. He has a new girlfriend already, and he's happy as hell, and I'm happy for him. Really, and honestly. Because when he's happy, that less he's making my life miserable. =) Even though I probably should, I don't hate him. I don't have the time or energy to waste on such a useless emotion. And he doesn't hate me. We got married before we really knew each other, had a family before we should have, and everything snow balled from there. What's done is done, and I think we're both ok with moving on and finding happiness on our own. I know that I don't want to be married anytime soon. I would like to date someone for at least 4-5 years before taking that plunge again (A. and I were only together 6 months before we got married) and I know that I don't want any more children for at least that time plus some, and I'm honest with people about my feelings on that, then I guess I don't see the issue.

I was a loving, and faithful wife for the 3 1/2 years that we were married. He cheated. He broke the vows. He threw in the final towel. So I guess I don't see anything wrong with living it up for awhile, but hey, maybe that's just me.

Seriously. If it's possible, I just had one. The Eagles won. The Phils are one game away from taking the World Series in 5 games. I must say, it's been a damn good day.

Now, I must go to bed because I have some placement exams for college tomorrow. I am one naughty girl for staying up to watch the Phils game...but it was so worth it... =)