As I was playing with my daughters this morning, something hit me. Through the giggles and laughter, the dancing and the tickling, I stopped for a moment and saw the smiles on their faces and it hit me that we were going to be ok. That it was up to me and me alone, but that this was something I couldn't fail at. I can't fail at raising my children. I want to teach them so many things. To find that balance between innocence and street smarts that I haven't quite been able to grasp yet. That you can be the sweet, domesticated girl, love to shop and dress up, but love sports and throw back comebacks with the best of them. That it's ok to belt out songs in the car or to cry when you're angry, or hurt, or upset, or happy, or sad. I want them to be empowered by their emotions, not see them as weaknesses. To know that it's ok to be silly and ditzy as long as that's not all they are. To find something they love to do and hold onto it for dear life. I want them to love with all their hearts, but to not let their love make stupid decisions. To know that no love will ever be stronger than the love they have for each other and that true friends are friends for life. I want to teach them all the things that it's taken me 23+ years to learn and then tell them to throw it all out the window because you never stop learning, changing and growing. I just see how small they are and how much life they have ahead of them and I wish for so much for them. My precious little girls. They are going to do wonderful things and be wonderful people. I just know.

Divorcee and single mom of two at the ripe young age twenty-three. Ask me five years ago if I thought that I'd be here, and I would have laughed in your face.

I guess I should start off with a little backstory...I'll do the quick recap for you so I won't bore...

I joined the Navy at eighteen.
Met and married -A. at nineteen.
Had -B. at twenty.
Had -C. at twenty-two.
Throw in three deployments in that mix, and about a half a dozen online affairs on his part, varying in degrees, and that should bring you up to speed.

I warned him that I wouldn't keep forgiving him, and that one day his apologies and false promises were going to fall on deaf ears once he got me to the point that I no longer believed him. And I caught him for the last time. I originally had agreed to wait until he got home from Iraq and we would go to counseling, but another girl just fell in my lap again, without me even having to look. He's not willing to do anything on his part to save the marriage, won't give up passwords, or delete accounts, or go to counseling, and now says that he doesn't think he's "ready" to be married. Nice. Thanks for realizing that three and a half years and two children into our marriage. So here I am, living back at my parents house with my little girls, and as humble as ever.

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I'm starting this blog to help me get myself back on my feet, both in mind and in body. I'm going to have to learn the ropes of being a newly single mom of a rebellious two year old and a very curious 11 month old, become a full time student, find a job again after being a stay at home mom for over a year, and the insanely scary feat of trying to date again. =)