So as promised, here's the latest and greatest. I promise I'm REALLY going to try and remember to post more often. This can't be part of my healing process if I never remember to do it.

I called it off with Furniture Guy. A little over a month ago. He was pretty hurt, but I warned him from the start that it was all faster than I was ready for. It was just too much, too soon, and my feelings were only ever luke warm. So that's that.

I met Officer A-hole at the beginning of the month, a few days after C.'s first birthday (aw!). Things were REALLY good there. I mean, it was weird. We had a scary amount of things in common, including our birthday. On our first day we went to the movies and then to the beach and talked for hours. We talked for hours all the time actually...on the phone, in person, through text, etc. It was nice. He really convinced me to let my guard down, asked me to be his girlfriend, to come to church with him and meet his daughter, and then BAM. I sleep over, we have a night of fairly ok sex, and then he's telling me that he needs time to just be himself without dating someone. Um, excuse me?? First of all, I don't have sex with just anyone. Plus he was the first person I'd been with since A. and I split. The whole thing was just...weird. So we tried staying friends. He had shoulder surgery on Monday and I brought him the gift basket I had planned on giving him while we were dating, nothing big, just some little inside things that I knew would cheer him up, and a lasagna since I knew he wouldn't be cooking much. So he writes me telling me what a perfect catch I am, and how he hopes that I'll still be single by the time he's ready to date again, blah blah blah. This was Tuesday. Thursday night he texts me saying that he can't talk to me anymore because he's getting back with his ex-girlfriend that he broke up with about a month before me. Seriously, WTF. He turned into a major jerk and liar and I totally didn't see that coming. Welcome to the world of Dating, S. I definitely won't be so quick to let someone into my life and heart so fast. Screw that.

Things are coming along school wise. I have talked with the counselors, and I go in on Monday to take a placement exam, then back again on the 10th to pick out my courses. Class starts January 16th and I am STOKED to get this chapter of my life started. If I've failed to mention it before, I'm using my G.I. Bill to go back to school for my Elementary Education Degree. I should have it done in 3 years and I'm really excited to get started. School was the reason I moved home in the first place bc of the divorce, so it's nice to finally get that going.

There's been some slight drama with A., but most of it just continues to affirm my belief in the divorce and let's me know that this is absolutely what's right for everyone involved. Some of it makes me laugh, some of it makes me angry, but whatever. The faster we get it done and over with the better. =)

So as of right now, I don't have even any prospects of anyone who is datable and I'm ok with that. I refuse to settle for anything less than I deserve, and that's just what I'm going to keep doing. =)

Phillies are up by one on the top of the 5th, so yay for that. Let's hold them there, and then my birds against Atlanta tomorrow. Prime potential for a great sports win. I hope my teams pull through for me. I could certainly use it.

I believe those are the biggest topics of the update. I'll definitely keep you posted.

Until next time,

S.

I'm not going to lie. I forgot about you for a little bit. Things have been a little hectic, so please forgive my transgression.

I guess we'll get right down to it and say that Sexy Boy is still a creep. He's a hot creep, but a creep none-the-less. I still talk to him occasionally for fun, but there's definitely not any potential there. Such a shame, because again, I repeat, he's hot.

Furniture Guy is still around. He's certainly holding his own, I'll give him that. He's actually REALLY great. But I feel like he wants so much more than I can give him right now. He even asked me to move in already (!!), which is crazy, I know. It's only been like 3 weeks. He says that he understands that I want to take things slow, but he's never felt this way about anyone before, and he doesn't want to lose me either. So yeah, I don't know where to go on that one. If I didn't actually like him, I'd probably end things right off the bat, because he's far more serious than I'm ready for, but he's so supportive of my situation, he thinks I'm the best thing since sliced bread (I mean, duh!) and he wants to give me everything I've ever dreamed of. I feel like I'd be a fool to just brush him off so soon. He treats me like a princess, and he's the biggest gentleman I've ever met. I hate to just give him up, and then six months down the line totally regret it.

My problem with all of this, is I never got to test the water. Furniture Guy is the FIRST guy I've dated since the separation. I can't fall for my rebound. Isn't there a rule against that??? How can I date around a little bit to make sure my feelings are for sure, without hurting his feelings? This whole dating thing totally sucks. I need to find a book or something. I have no clue what I'm doing.

On a lighter note, I did meet some fun locals the other night. Sadly, on the same night my precious Eagles lost to the Cowboys. I was a sad girl. Anyway, I met these guys, all super nice and my age (for once!). Strictly friendly, at least for now. This guy Wolfy and I have been texting a bit, but if I have a crush on anyone it will be for his friend Softball Dude. Now he's yummy. I spotted him earlier in the day at the gas station filling his cooler in the back of his El Camino. We exchanged lingering glances only to find ourselves hanging out randomly later that night. Fate, perhaps? I guess we'll find out. =)

Well, I seem to have myself in a bit of a pickle already. Could that maybe be a record?

I don't even really know how I got here...or, I guess I do, but I definitely didn't anticipate results so soon.

When I joined the Navy out of high school, my parents saw it as prime opportunity to move. Regardless that I was born and raised in the same town my entire life, they saw it fit to pack up and move three hours south, and about thirty miles from the beach. I guess they didn't anticipate me moving back either, but it's still the point. I don't know know anyone. So I had the bright idea to sign myself up for match.com. I haven't dated in over four years, so I figured it couldn't hurt to at least see what is out there. I know, I know, silly right?

Anyway, on my, all of two and a half days on the site, I met Furniture Guy. He's 26 and also new to the area. He just got a job as a Furniture Salesman about 40 minutes from here. He's really sweet, very funny, totally ok with the girls and genuinely interested in my relationship with them. He's really understanding of my situation, and is so sweet about not wanting to pressure me and suggested working on our friendship first if I'm not ready for more. I mean, he's great, right? He just seems like a super fun guy, and we have a lot in common. We talked for two hours on the phone last night, and have been emailing and texting now for a few days. I could really see it going somewhere if just for the fact that he's such a caring person, combined with everything else that's awesome about him.

But then today, out of the blue, Sexy Boy, from my past, pops up. He friended me on myspace, and I wrote him back saying to add me on facebook, since I'm deleting my myspace until the dust settles from the seperation/divorce. I think a few months will do. So after writing me back, he gets my IM name from facebook, and writes me. The scoop on Sexy Boy is there is a LOAD of sexual tension between us. I mean, a boat load. I met him when I was around 16 or 17 and he was five years older, which would make him 28 right now. Nothing serious happened between us, probably because of the age issue and just the situation in general, but I liked him a lot. He's big, and strong, and sexy and everything that attracts me to a man. And he wasn't far off when he insinuated today that I married a "crappier" version of him. Actually, there might be some truth to that and it scares me a little. He was saying how he always liked me, but then I left for the Navy without saying goodbye, and when he found me again, I was already married so he couldn't say anything. And I guess today, when I said I was getting a divorce, he finally woke up. But so many red flags are going off here. Him and A. have so much in common. Would I be setting myself up for the next trap, or was I only ever drawn to A. because of my repressed feelings for Sexy Boy? Could Sexy Boy be who I wanted all along? He was pretty clear that he doesn't want a hookup, and that he wants me as his(!), so I don't even know.

I think I may be in over my head. I am not cut out for dating, I never was. Am I rushing things to much? But again, I'm not the one who couldn't stay commited and faithful. I even said I would go to counseling with A. if he was willing to do whatever it took to save us and he decided his privacy was more important, so that's not my fault. I've always been good at relationships, and I was good at being a wife. So does that mean I should punish myself forever because I picked the wrong husband? I wish I had some sort of a sign.

On a different note, I have a job interview tomorrow! It's not the hours or the position I was looking for, so I'm still going to apply elsewhere, but for whatever reason they still wanted me to interview. Cross fingers for me! I haven't interviewed for anything since I was, um, 16? So I'm a tad bit nervous.