Well, I seem to have myself in a bit of a pickle already. Could that maybe be a record?

I don't even really know how I got here...or, I guess I do, but I definitely didn't anticipate results so soon.

When I joined the Navy out of high school, my parents saw it as prime opportunity to move. Regardless that I was born and raised in the same town my entire life, they saw it fit to pack up and move three hours south, and about thirty miles from the beach. I guess they didn't anticipate me moving back either, but it's still the point. I don't know know anyone. So I had the bright idea to sign myself up for match.com. I haven't dated in over four years, so I figured it couldn't hurt to at least see what is out there. I know, I know, silly right?

Anyway, on my, all of two and a half days on the site, I met Furniture Guy. He's 26 and also new to the area. He just got a job as a Furniture Salesman about 40 minutes from here. He's really sweet, very funny, totally ok with the girls and genuinely interested in my relationship with them. He's really understanding of my situation, and is so sweet about not wanting to pressure me and suggested working on our friendship first if I'm not ready for more. I mean, he's great, right? He just seems like a super fun guy, and we have a lot in common. We talked for two hours on the phone last night, and have been emailing and texting now for a few days. I could really see it going somewhere if just for the fact that he's such a caring person, combined with everything else that's awesome about him.

But then today, out of the blue, Sexy Boy, from my past, pops up. He friended me on myspace, and I wrote him back saying to add me on facebook, since I'm deleting my myspace until the dust settles from the seperation/divorce. I think a few months will do. So after writing me back, he gets my IM name from facebook, and writes me. The scoop on Sexy Boy is there is a LOAD of sexual tension between us. I mean, a boat load. I met him when I was around 16 or 17 and he was five years older, which would make him 28 right now. Nothing serious happened between us, probably because of the age issue and just the situation in general, but I liked him a lot. He's big, and strong, and sexy and everything that attracts me to a man. And he wasn't far off when he insinuated today that I married a "crappier" version of him. Actually, there might be some truth to that and it scares me a little. He was saying how he always liked me, but then I left for the Navy without saying goodbye, and when he found me again, I was already married so he couldn't say anything. And I guess today, when I said I was getting a divorce, he finally woke up. But so many red flags are going off here. Him and A. have so much in common. Would I be setting myself up for the next trap, or was I only ever drawn to A. because of my repressed feelings for Sexy Boy? Could Sexy Boy be who I wanted all along? He was pretty clear that he doesn't want a hookup, and that he wants me as his(!), so I don't even know.

I think I may be in over my head. I am not cut out for dating, I never was. Am I rushing things to much? But again, I'm not the one who couldn't stay commited and faithful. I even said I would go to counseling with A. if he was willing to do whatever it took to save us and he decided his privacy was more important, so that's not my fault. I've always been good at relationships, and I was good at being a wife. So does that mean I should punish myself forever because I picked the wrong husband? I wish I had some sort of a sign.

On a different note, I have a job interview tomorrow! It's not the hours or the position I was looking for, so I'm still going to apply elsewhere, but for whatever reason they still wanted me to interview. Cross fingers for me! I haven't interviewed for anything since I was, um, 16? So I'm a tad bit nervous.